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I did miss last evening...but that is what it is.....
Its been a busy and emotional week and i do have a lot on my mind....so i am not sure what direction is the best to turn this in or towards, so please excuse if we hit a few different areas in a back, forth and maybe even sideways sort of manner....
I am just, spending a lot of time these days really evaluating this situation that I am in...and just exactly what it means to me....personally....
and with that of course you still have the day to day dealings with of life, my amazing daughter to focus on, my business ventures and school....so really, sometimes, its just A LOT....
And then friends...i have found myself really evaluating all of my friendships lately, really taking the time to mentally read into them and the time to see what belongs where in my life....
i find that a lot of people, even those i consider closest happen to contradict themselves and who and what they stand for more often that i would have ever probably realized without any of this happening to me.
When life really flips itself upside down and lands in your lap, you get a whole new view on things that you never really saw, or took the time to see prior.
Do not get my wrong...i love my friends...so much and appreciate each and everyone of them uniquely...and in no way is it a true personal attack or dig at them, our lives or anything of the sort...its truly just me...
and where i am right now and what i need....
and when you come to this major turning point where you are forced to put every single aspect of your life into perspective...you can only do what you need to with that, and unfortunately cannot worry about what others think or want you to do.
i think i have handled all that i have been dealt in this shity hand fairly well, with a positive outlook and a great faith in something far bigger than myself.....i do know that this time also calls for major and life altering adjustments to myself, my thinking, my time and well, basically everything...
i asbsolutely at this point need to avoid all negative...unless its somethng that i HAVE to deal with...because right now...i have not the time or the tolerance for it.....
I must consider everyday who I am and remember to never compromise this person again..as that has happened for so long...and now that i have stopped the cycle, I must at all costs avoid starting it again....and I mean this in every single area of daily living....
i will carefully choose, who i confide in, and carefully evaluate the words that i will share and speak at those times...i will trust only those who have shown me they can be trusted and avoid setting myself up for any other unnecessary and avoidable failures. Everything that I can have control over in MY LIFE, I will...
Obviously I am not naive to the fact that the universe holds quite a lot of my life and its outcomes in its hands and that God plays the biggest role in my fate...however...i know he puts me on the path and its up to me to do the walking...and as I have mentioned so many times...that walk will be a forward one, not a backward one...
None of this is easy, nor is it even possible for anyone that has not traveled this road to understand it, and I know that....I share the story and the bits and pieces, the feelings, the emotions, struggles and strengths for any and all to come to an easier understanding....to understand me and themselves or anyone they know that may so travel this rocky trail....
i ask none of my friends to be offended when i come to you with feelings, or questions about something pertaining to our relationship...it doesnt mean i am angry or that i am twisting anything to hurt you...I prefer to talk rather than assume...I prefer to relate and work at things rather than write them off....i hate backstabbing and lies...even the smallest ones..because they only lead to bigger and without trust you have nothing.
Its a gift to have a friend you can say absolutely anything to...that you can call out on something that has hurt or bothered you and have the accept your words and feelings in a constructive and healthy way and to be able to do the same for that person
That is who I am ....and those are the people that I want to associate my life with....especially this new one that i have...this second chance....
Should any of you ever have anything to say to me....I would appreciate it greatly that you did....never shy away from feelings, opinions, advice or words..i take then all in and respect every ounce of them.
stay strong.. stay true....to you! that is the best thing that you can do in life...with that you can achieve anything....it all starts inside of yourself....
and please remember...i did ask a few blogs back...for you all to share too...I have not had many do so...I am not sure why...but I would appreciate it....
until tomorrow..
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