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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME...
I have been so overwhelmingly busy....that i have not even had the time to think about a blog....however...tonite..needs one....
As promised...i will not cheat on counts and days...MY 365...may take 509...but its MINE, so that's OK!
I want to thank all of you for all the amazing wishes today....it brought me many smiles...and trust me, the more the merrier in this time of my life!!!!
This past year...has been the FARTHEST thing from easy....with as many new doors that opened...quite a FEW large ones closed...rather slammed.....
i have dealt with this all, everyday, in the best ways that i could...i have refused to totally crumble...I have dabbled in moments and hours of weakness in streams of tears and sleepless nights...I have asked God more questions than I can count....i have speculated and wondered....but i have SURVIVED..and will keep on doing so....
I would not wish on my worst enemy the pain that came with the end of my marriage....somedays the struggle presents itself again....however...I can work thru those struggles...I know I can do anything!!!
Its been a trying time in many ways....one where you learn, not everyone understands, how could they...and not everyone cares...and hey...who am i to judge!
However....
I write this blog...with total reason.....
My reason is...this is MY NEW YEAR....it did not start on 1/1...that was the beginning of a chapters end for me....but i have traveled a long way already in those 5 months....I have found ME again...and held tight to her!!!!! I will not let anyone tear that away...
Thru my pain i think i have continued to pay it forward...to be my best as much as possible and do my best in the same way and with the same intent!!!
I have supported and cheered for those around me...celebrated and supported their successes and happinesses....their joys..fears...changes and goals....Brought ideas and my heart to the table as much as possible....
I know in life we cannot expect that everything we give to be returned....but i walk into MY new year knowing this....
i expect not much from anyone...because setting expectations from others often leads to personal disappointment...however, i consciously say....I will not lose sight of my worth, my goals or ambitions...i will not back down from my beliefs and i will honestly always express my feelings...
That is who i am. i do not shy away from discomfort...i do not hide my truths or feelings...i do not use generalizations to determine my reasons....and I come to those i personally that i feel any bother with....
because that is how i would want to be treated..like an adult and like a friend....
I am ridding myself of as much negativity as possible and focusing only on what i can do to achieve that goal!
my dreams become more and more of a reality....and tho loneliness has become mmore of a friend than anyone....i know..one day...with all of the right people in my life...it too will pass!!!
But for now...i will just focus strongly...on ME, My angel...my life, business and dreams...i wll always offer my biggest support to those that need it....but more so those that want it....life is a two way street...at least my new one is...and tho i LOVE to give....we all have to feel a little returned to actually feel appreciated!!
I thank you all..for taking all of this journey with me so far....and look forward to seeing how much farther we wind up going......
until then....THANK YOU!!!!!!
May 5, 2011
MY Project 365....my life ever after....((day 46))
Time to start picking back up where we left off!!! DEFINITELY!!!!
WOW...its been awhile..but I am not going to cheat and group all of those days together...I am just going to get back into the swing of things and I will give this blog its WHOLE 365 days..however long it takes me!!!
I am not even sure where to begin tonight...its definitely been a crazy, busy, often overwhelming, sometimes emotionally challenging, but none the less fabulous few weeks!!!! Business has been a BLAST..I am having so much fun creating!!! Coming up with more and more new ideas and always searching, looking for and thinking about more..what to do next...how to do it and so on.
Life can definitely be "interesting" and its often surreal...not to mention extremely unpredictable! We never really know where we may end up....its not always how we planned, or when or where we planned...but, it is all so worth it, and we are always, in every minute, right where we are meant to be!!!
More and more, I am coming to a place of peace in life...there have been a few bumps the past two weeks...because of course i should have known, HIS niceness could not last too long, and was just the preface to more BS, yelling and degrading..unfortunately, what he must not realize, is, its NOT me who needs to tolerate that anymore...nor will i...nor should i have ever!!!!
And then of course we have tay's father...if we can even remotely call him that, I am pretty sure, he deserves not even a hint of the meaning behind that word!!!
What a ridiculous situation that has unfolded there in the past month...one that i am no longer going to subject myself or my daughter to any longer!!!! i just do not have it in me. for YEARS i have followed my order, to a T, done everything i was supposed to and more..no matter how many times he broke it, ignored it, i gave it my all to encourage a relationship, begged and cried for him to open his eyes and change, pleaded...and what do i get...one weekend...her with him, ordering a potcher of beer, her evening knowing exactly what kind and how he carried it around with him and then off to the liquor store..only to NOT get up the next day, her to not havve a bath for 3 days, filthy, slept in the clothes i sent her in...never ate because he wouldnt get up until noon...SICK...no call on Easter...and then no call this past weekend..when he was due to have her..but, ask him, its ne that took her away and does this....IDIOTS~~~
I just refuse to live anymore of my life with the drama and bs in it! I do not need it, my child certainly does not need it...I have done nothing but push myself, since the day i walked out that door. I finished school, I have expanded business, I have created and created some more...I found myself again...and I do not let anyone steal it from me, for even a minute...I have cried, and I have laughed...My heart is healing...life is starting to make sense...and I am looking forward to every place that it takes me...
Always remember...life, God, fate...all have plans for you....opportunity comes where its meant to be. Never be afraid to take a chance, a risk,,,even if it takes you somewhere TOTALLY different!!! Beacuse we cannot get back those we pass by and life is to short to have the "What if i would have..." You can always change it later...twist it or turn it....but i promise..there is a reason for it....so be thankful, grateful....and just never be afraid to TRY. always stand up for you. Do not hold yourself or those important to you back, especially when dreams and goals are involved, support, love and take the chances, and leaps of faith wt them! You never know how beautiful where you end up might be!
Until next time......<3
WOW...its been awhile..but I am not going to cheat and group all of those days together...I am just going to get back into the swing of things and I will give this blog its WHOLE 365 days..however long it takes me!!!
I am not even sure where to begin tonight...its definitely been a crazy, busy, often overwhelming, sometimes emotionally challenging, but none the less fabulous few weeks!!!! Business has been a BLAST..I am having so much fun creating!!! Coming up with more and more new ideas and always searching, looking for and thinking about more..what to do next...how to do it and so on.
Life can definitely be "interesting" and its often surreal...not to mention extremely unpredictable! We never really know where we may end up....its not always how we planned, or when or where we planned...but, it is all so worth it, and we are always, in every minute, right where we are meant to be!!!
More and more, I am coming to a place of peace in life...there have been a few bumps the past two weeks...because of course i should have known, HIS niceness could not last too long, and was just the preface to more BS, yelling and degrading..unfortunately, what he must not realize, is, its NOT me who needs to tolerate that anymore...nor will i...nor should i have ever!!!!
And then of course we have tay's father...if we can even remotely call him that, I am pretty sure, he deserves not even a hint of the meaning behind that word!!!
What a ridiculous situation that has unfolded there in the past month...one that i am no longer going to subject myself or my daughter to any longer!!!! i just do not have it in me. for YEARS i have followed my order, to a T, done everything i was supposed to and more..no matter how many times he broke it, ignored it, i gave it my all to encourage a relationship, begged and cried for him to open his eyes and change, pleaded...and what do i get...one weekend...her with him, ordering a potcher of beer, her evening knowing exactly what kind and how he carried it around with him and then off to the liquor store..only to NOT get up the next day, her to not havve a bath for 3 days, filthy, slept in the clothes i sent her in...never ate because he wouldnt get up until noon...SICK...no call on Easter...and then no call this past weekend..when he was due to have her..but, ask him, its ne that took her away and does this....IDIOTS~~~
I just refuse to live anymore of my life with the drama and bs in it! I do not need it, my child certainly does not need it...I have done nothing but push myself, since the day i walked out that door. I finished school, I have expanded business, I have created and created some more...I found myself again...and I do not let anyone steal it from me, for even a minute...I have cried, and I have laughed...My heart is healing...life is starting to make sense...and I am looking forward to every place that it takes me...
Always remember...life, God, fate...all have plans for you....opportunity comes where its meant to be. Never be afraid to take a chance, a risk,,,even if it takes you somewhere TOTALLY different!!! Beacuse we cannot get back those we pass by and life is to short to have the "What if i would have..." You can always change it later...twist it or turn it....but i promise..there is a reason for it....so be thankful, grateful....and just never be afraid to TRY. always stand up for you. Do not hold yourself or those important to you back, especially when dreams and goals are involved, support, love and take the chances, and leaps of faith wt them! You never know how beautiful where you end up might be!
Until next time......<3
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