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March 26, 2011

MY Project 365....my life ever after....((day 32-34))

Skipped a few days here again and i usually DO NOT blog on the weekends...but i do have a lot on my mind...and i feel as though its best to get it out....and get on....
I dont wanna touch to many nerves or hit hard anywhere..but so much lately has just had me totally taken back...i have learned that a majority of friendships are either a one way street and most that do have the 2 way, once you really look the one is only about as wide as a bicycle lane...
Now...to each their own and I totally grasp that EVERYONE of us is different...and has our own thoughts, opinions and way to deal with things...
we all live our lives UNIQUELY...and I appreciate that..however i do think there are some FINE lines and I do think that we often (well if WE CARE) need to carefully look both ways before we cross them.
I am grateful for all of the friends that  I have in my life....and feel blessed to have the ones that I do....but often, lately more so than not, when life became crazy, loss became HUGE and dreams began to shatter...i find as tho, sometimes even those you are closest too, really are not exactly what you assumed they were.
And i cannot say its anyones fault or a bad thing...because like i said we all value life and friends and so forth differently...but I can say, I have spent more time in tears lately over friendships that I am unsure of, more so than the divorce that i am going thru....
"unsure" is maybe not the proper terming, so perhaps take that a grain of salt...for lack of better wording at the moment....its just...difficult i guess to realize you sit at uneven priority levels...
Maybe a part of it...is that I care so genuinely about my friends, especially my closest ones...that I set standards that perhaps are unimportant to others...however..sometimes i think common courtesy plays just as much a role in the whole charade!
i have also noticed that a lot of us say one thing while doing, meaning and being another...and so many of us lack even the smallest ounce of originality..instead we conform to those we are around at the moment...and that changes just as easily as those revolving doors turn round.
Keep in mind anyone can only do this for so long...as one day, those that you follow, may be too far ahead...and you will be the one who ends up lost.
Life only happens ONCE...and i support and admire anyone that has the courage to take it HEAD ON. Strong women are far less than the weak..
We all need to evaluate ourselves, our relationships and to determine the ones that are worth having and when we do...make sure we make it clear that they do matter to us. LIFE doesnt stop for anyone and it only takes a split second to lose everything.
And remember...sometimes people do need to know who they can count on...so make sure they do...do not be a hypocrite situation dependent...I am just walking a really thin line here lately and so close to throw in the towel on so many. It may even just be me....but...then and still...right now...i have to do whats best for me...to in anyway move on with life....