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February 23, 2011

MY Project 365....my life ever after....((day 9))

Well today was just a ball of joy to say the least...and please note the sarcasm; as I start this little portion of the fairytale:
As strong as I am trying to be thru this and as forward as I try to move, some bumps in the road....still manage to arise.
though all details need not be let out, we will keep it general and neat...I did have a small breakdown and i did allow him to get to me....
i have tried so hard to remaim amicable.....generous and gracious thru this process.....however, somehow that still seems to lead me to tears and being belittled and condescended on by another, i guess in hopes to make themself feel better and stronger....
if thats what it takes for that person, i suppose to each their own when handling changes i life.
i however, was always raised to be kind. to never hate and to never judge. that pointing finger lead back to myself and to intentionally hurt anyone would come back to me in a ten fold.
Now, either my parents were crazy, or others were just not taught common courtesy and basic manners....
I tho, will shut this door FINALLY and for good, as I apparently am unable to do this without intervention and allowing attornies and such take care of the rest....
I cannot be talked to as tho my intelligence is not comparable to anothers, when i know, in fact thats NOT true by any means....
i cannot be belittled or degraded and i will not be beat with the past as tho i have done some horrid, things that destroyed another person....
Not every forever is what we suppose it should be however....we can still walk away with our pride and esteem intact....i do not need personal attacks simply out of disagreement....and i do not seek out harm in others with words or actions and I will not have that done to me....
My daughter will learn self respect first and foremost, that her own two feet are the strongest to stand on and that you treat others with the same dignity and courtesy
Words are powerful weapons, that so many do not realize...and you always have to have compassion with another even in times of struggle....
I know how blessed I am...and I know what I have to do....
And i will do it with my head held high, hopes intact, faith in God, the love of my family and friends...and instead of resorting to defense in words and coming back with hurt and pain, I will as carefully as i tried to handle all of this...end my portion of that, and let what happens be.....as is.
Life will handle itself as it should and I will not compromise myself and where I am going to stoop below the level that I have set before myself....
until tomorrow......<3

MY Project 365....my life ever after....((day8))

Evening, dolls....

I was gonna postpone until tomorrow....because I had a long, stressful day, an emotional one, and to top it off I am absolutely not feeling well...
But....I feel as tho I should take a few minutes today to clarify a few VERY important things again and maybe in other words to stress the meaning of my writings...
First, let me make it known that what I write is first and foremost for MYSELF, I do it for me. To address and acknowledge what I am going thru, to enable myself with strength thru the power of finally opening up about it, to get myself thru this major, unplanned, complicated and life changing adjustment of life and what I thought that it would be,
Everything that I say, is from my heart, a part of this experience that I am going thru, and things that I have noted a long the way....it did not all start on the official day that it ended as I have made clear, and I want it to be known I do not do this for any sort of dramatics or selfishness but to empower myself for the first time in a long time...to know that I do not have to hold things in anymore and to make myself for capable of finding more and more peace and moving on.
Almost all that I say comes from first hand experience and I use myself quite often as the example, I do understand that my words also allow others to take a glance at their lives and situations and evaluate themselves. None of it is a personal dig at anyone, for by doing that I would be doing it to myself. As the majority of this is my life and my views.
When you find yourself taking acknowledgement to something said and relating it to yourself...perhaps there is an area that you, yourself need to adjust, or just look at, to find peace with that certain aspect.
I am not the sort of person who points fingers at anyone, i am fair and honest and just coming from the heart...the words flow as I have lived them and this is one of the best ways I have at moving on.....
So please...know that....I want you to all be able to take this journey with me and for all of my friends to have their own peace of mind in every single part of their lives, whatever that may mean to them and however they may have to get here...and I will walk that journey, those journeys with any and each of you that need that in any way shape or form that need be.
We only have one life...but any of can change our paths. Sometimes those changes are welcome and others are unexpected and unwanted at the time...however, they can still yield an amazing and beautiful life...and everything happens for a reason. Good and Bad. When you find similarities in someone elses words, verify what it is about that, that got to you and what may have triggered that emotion...perhaps its a change that you need to make, but its NOT from me trying to make it, bring it out, or lay it on the line for you....
This is for me, before it is for anyone else...and I have taken the huge step to allow everyone in on this road...just by chance someone else needed the words, someone else needed some borrowed strength, and jsut to allow myself the release that I finally deserve....
I appreciate you all.....until tomorrow....<3