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Hey again....
So, this project seems to be going well....its given me a ton of inspiration...I have found it is inspiring others (which is more than i could ever hope for) and I have learned that expressing our thoughts, feelings and opinions, allows us such an inner freedom...a sense of self...and most importantly strength....
As i have said, the days seem to be coming easier....I do not find my mind wandering thru the "What Ifs" as much....or even so many of the "why's" anymore...
I have found TRUE peace in the fact that God made this plan for me, he knew I had lost myself, and he brought me back in full circle. How could I ever be negative about something like that??!!??
So many have said to me that they admire my positive outlook on the given situation, and they do believe that they could be as strong as i am. I have heard that my words and positive outlook are truly respectable....but here is the thing (tho i do appreciate all of that so emensely)..
Negative thoughts result in negative energy....the bring you down and those around you, they hold you back, and keep you from reaching your full potential. The add to the struggle, and enforce the heartache....and why would I want that for myself???
My positivity is not a given, in this situation I promise you that it does not flow naturally....occasionally the negative thoughts creep thru, the hurt pokes its head out, and the tears sometimes still just flow....However, I make a CONSCIOUS DECISION to try to find something positive in each negative moment....and there are often hundreds of them a day....I mean really...what person who just lost the life they thought was forever, wouldnt have that happen....I though, choose how i handle it.
I carefully pull myself from placing blame and pointing fingers and try to remember what good there was, if little....i try to remember that things can get better, and every broken heart does heal....I remind myself of the many blessings that I do have, and even without that one, i am luckier than so many. I cautiously try to subside the anger, with my faith in karma. Holding grudges, pointing fingers, or stooping to anothers level, is truly only going to bring me down....and I oppose that with great certainty..beause my every move from here on out is UPWARD!
I see how much i have changed already, and tho I am still me....I am the me I once was, the one that I love, the one that my friends and family love....I can open up to people and share my story....I can lean on others and not be afraid. I am no longer judged on a daily basis and I am finding happiness even in the loneliness....
i take pride in how this situation unfolded on me and how i have handled it....i can acknowledge my faults and admit I am imperfect....but I can also say, I am honest, I am loyal and I am true...to myself, to others, to the world.....and I know that life is on its way to taking me somewhere fabulous....and I cannot wait to arrive!
