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Evening...
WOW...its been a LONG day...from the drive to breezewood this morning, thru the afternoon, class and night...UGH...I am BEAT. I am spending a little wind down time here on the blog...and then i am hitting the hay at probably the earliest i have in MONTHS!!!! (falling asleep though, will be a whole different story..that usually takes a few hours...)
Things are still going alright i suppose..as ok as they can be..and as smoothly as actually possible. Chris and I actually had a conversation the other day...I am not sure if i mentioned that last night or not...and though it was hard for me to fight thru the tears during it...I am happy that we actually made it to that point, far from where we started and hopefully a better avenue to where we are going...
I do not regret any of what is happening...AT ALL. It has a reason and I KNOW that we were not meant to be..I know that if I dwell on missed opportunities, and maybes...or try to fix something that is irreparably broken, I am only going to lead myself down a whole new road of heartache and pain...and its not something I care to do, nor do i want to take for granted or dismiss the strength, courage, wisdom and self respect that i have gained!
I am content with my life...most of it at least and the parts that are not there yet, I focus on daily...Somedays that comes easier than others...however...I still get there, whether it just shows up knocking at the door or I have to push, drag and tug myself towards it!
I have a whole new outlook and a focus that drives me....I know who I am...and I like this person. I know what I value and what i believe...I know where I have been, and I know where I am...and i trust God to get me where I am going!
Its not easy to put yourself in the shoes of a situation that you have not experienced and I ask NO ONE to do so....and I certainly will never ask for a drop of pity or any sort of sympathy...because its NOT needed. I just ask for courtesy, loyalty and friends. Its not much, yet sometimes is so hard to find or receive.
All i want is peace...simple peace. No one can make everyone happy all of the time..and honestly, none of us can spend the time making that our constant goal...because I promise (from experience) by doing that, you are knicking away at little pieces of yourself.....stay true to who you are...and let life, love, friends and everything else be what it will be...eventually everything has a very funny(sometimes not so humorous) way of working itself out! We will all get there someday!!
Soon much of this will be behind me....and a door of my past that i can fully close and preferably lock...and until then, I will take the struggles with the strides and the tears with the smiles....
My blessings are what matter most and they are more plentiful than not. They keep me going and keep me strong! I have reasons!!! And reasons bring results!
Everyday, take some time...if only a few minutes for you...reflect, remember, refocus and reinforce...
Reflect on your day, your situation or your life...what it was, what it is, what your choices and options are...and how to make the best of all of them for yourself.
Remember...what got you to right now...who you are...and NEVER compromise it...for ANYONE.
Refocus....on your goals, your needs, wants and wills. Try to see yourself as others do and how you want to be perceived..make your adjustments and understand that you need to explain them to anyone...YOU are a wonderful YOU!
Reinforce all of the answers, thoughts, strengths, that you just discovered thru this small daily exercise...remind yourself of them and stay true to it...and you!
No one knows you better than you know yourself...and you will always be your own very best friend. Be faithful, honest and loyal to YOU....life will begin to have a whole new clarity...DREAM BIG!
until tomorrow<3 love you all!
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email me your suggestions for topics (ANYTHING), questions you would like an opinion on...or whatever else you may want to see in these pages..I prefer not to do this alone!!!
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xxooo
