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Evening All...
OHHHHHH so where to begin this evening.....WOW....
Its been a DAY to say the least...i still do not feel well AT ALL....but I am trying to push thru that and get some things done as well as some studying...finals next week...cannot believe it all went that fast...crazy!!!
So...lets focus tho..cause its been awhile since i last really went off on a little rant..and i am thinking that now is just about the best time as ANY!!!...So buckle up...
in the midst of this crazy yet not so busy (yeah its been a really back and forth) kind of day...and talking to a friend...I realized that I am not alone in my feelings that..when life throws you some major curveballs and when some things come crashing down...you truly and quickly do..find out WHO your friends are...and the kicker is...OFTEN...its not the ones that you thought as, from the get go!
It doesnt take much to ask how someone is...you do not have to be able to relate to a situation or a circumstance to genuinely care about another..you do not have to have the answers or all of the words....to just offer YOURSELF...thats enough...
But it seems...that just the opposite happens more so than not..and its like, you wonder, how these people would feel should you totally and completely flip the situation...to lose something in their lives or hit a really big bump and at the same time, turn around to see that in every way of the word...you are standing alone.
I think...that even given my situation and the MILLION things that i have going on...I have still been there for those that have needed me...and when i sit back and think about it...and try to recollect...i find it hard to even remember the last time that they asked me if i was ok....
And truthfully, honestly and you know me BLUNTLY...it pisses me off!!!
I am not one to hold a tally card or to keep score...I dont deduct point and i certainly have never turned my back on a soul...but i have come to realize...that there is such as thing as being too nice, that you cannot make everyone happy and that no matter how hard you try...there is always going to be someone trying to bring that down and take it away from you...
I have spent too many hours, trying to be the better person and trying to make sure I am fair to everyone...I have wasted so much time not putting myself first....and really, should you have to ASK your friends to ask how you are???? WHAT???!???
Well, no worries...let me just let you in quickly..that I am FINE...I have my days...we all do...everyone of us is going thru something or another...but I am good. I have far more blessings than many and I count them daily! I am not doing without anything...and I am pushing myself harder than i ever have....
I will get to where I am meant to be and continue to climb higher...because that is who I am!! and i do LOVE me!!! and i continue to love and appreciate myself more daily....something i put on the backburner far too long.
So to those that like to read about my life...but care not enough to ask....to those that i have been there for while my lifes been upside down...too all of you reading this now...
Evaluate carefully your intentions....because I can make one promise certain....i will be closing many doors...this is my time to heal...and those that are causing me pain, bringing me down, or that we have grown apart...its time to seal up those wounds, make amends or retreat separate ways...I wish no one absolutely nothing but the very best... always...every road in life takes us somewhere...and eventually that somewhere will be the right place...and be absolutely beautiful!
