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Evening all.....
So...i thought I had it all planned out yesterday, the things that I wanted to focus on tonight...
However...I got caught up in the craziness of today, with all sorts of interesting aspects....and well...i dont know, i guess i lost that whole train of thought somewhere....
I will just go with the things on my mind this evening....on my mind a lot I guess....and see where it takes me...(remember one last time...that when i speak in MY BLOG, its freely, openly and honestly...i do not personally attack any ONE individual, because that would be in a certain aspect, an attack on myself...should anyone relate, its understandable, because tho each and everyone of our lives are unique as are our circumstances, sometimes something clicks....in which case that something would be one that YOU personally should quite possibly take a look at in your life...to better understand what it is that made you relate and what it is that is drawing your attention to whichever specific thing said.)
Now, that i cleared that up just one last time....I will begin....
You know, out of today, i still have one thing that was said to me, ringing in my ears....not that it bothers me, but i want to reflect on it...because as anyone is entitled to their opinion....I respect that and take it for what its worth, I too, have MINE and here is where I get to focus on that and put it all on the line...
Somewhere along the day, a wording of how someone was having a rough morning in so many words, lead to "well you understand, thats your everyday"....
Really....its not.....
I guess it may seem to some of you, that because my life is not perfect, because my marriage fell apart, because I am going thru a LOT...that, my life just sucks....
Let me be the first to tell you, how much it doesn't.
i can totally grasp why anyone may think those things...because they are pretty shitty things, to put it bluntly, to happen to anyone....However..that is NOT how i look at any of it...
You see, I firmly believe that tho life does not come with a handbook, it does come with a plan...Now, being privy to this plan, isn't something that we are...until we figure it out, write in our own certain short cuts and scenic routes, etc, but for the most part its a guided tour by a greater power. One that takes us on many roads, with many turn, with many hills and even some cliffs....however...its doesn't make you jump....you can always save YOURSELF.
Of course NONE of this is something that I wanted...and sure there are times where I wonder how fair it is...I work so hard, I always have, i have gone thru so much already, and now there is more....BUT...i know...there is a reason....and I will end up right where I am supposed to be.
So...no my everyday is not "f*cked up" i believe the term was that was used...ITS BLESSED. I am alive, I am breathing, I am living, I am learning, I am loving and I am growing. I AM BLESSED.
I am an honest person, with an open heart, a sharp mind, and BIG emotions. I am sometimes guarded, and very opinionated...and still I am very blessed.
I do not need a marriage or a man to define me. I CAN and DO stand on my own two feet. I have dne it more than once and can do it as many times as this life has planned for me.
We all love being in love, or the idea of it...and no one plans on the bad things happening...and really NO ONES life is perfect...and sure there are those people, that when something bad happens, something unexpected happens, are quick to blame the first thing or person that comes to mind, quick to search for a pity party and are quick to crawl under the nearest rock or make an excuse just to avoid reality.....
THATS NOT ME...it never ever has been and it certainly never will be.
I take full and total responsibility for my life...I am in the drivers seat, and I am not jumping out and running.....I am who I am because of ME...not because of anyone else's definition or opinions of me.....My destiny is mine...and I will make it beautiful...and I will be the one who gets to be proud of that....Just so that we are clear on those things, i already feel better.
I do not consider myself at a disadvantage because you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, a husband or wife...i had that too...I lost it, so have others, life goes on and unfortunately it CAN happen to anyone...whether you believe that or not...you have NO idea what life has in store for you, until the time comes knocking at the door. So i just ask that you caution judgements and opinions with people, as they may be the farthest from the truth...like I said, your thoughts are yours, however it does not make them shared and it does not make the true....and I am sure, it may be what some expect me to be, think i should be, or what they would be had this happened to them...BUT, reality is....its not....I will never ever let another break me...and I will never ever have an excuse great enough to think my life is a disaster, or that I am missing something...I am more blessed than many...and I am so very thankful for that!
Which brings me to where, in a difficult place, of thinking I just may have to reevaluate some of my friendships, at this turning point in my life...and do not get me wrong, it would never be out of lack of love...just lack of common ground...lack of similarities and understanding...
I dont know...just a thought....but not one that I need or feel the need to deal with immediately...I would rather just see how things go, see how they play out, where I am, where you are...and how the realtionships we have go together...or not...another part of life that none of us really have control over....and again I am sure part of a bigger plan....
I think thats it for tonight....
until tomorrow....<3love you
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