MY Project 365....my life ever after....((day 10))

Its early tonite dolls...

Figured I could get a head start this evening...since I have some things to catch up on, I have not been getting a ton of rest (not that, that will change tonite LOL) and i am pretty sure of what I want to talk about already this evening....

Lets focus on YOU, today....(or in my case for all subjective purposes...ME)

I spent a good while with one of my best friends this afternoon....and these are the things that you hold onto, the conversations that allow you to get it all out..and the ones that allow your mind to expand past your current situation and into new lights if only for a brief amount of time....

Anyways...that is not the point of the blog, just how I came to what I felt was important to reflect on this evening...and so...here we go....

As I said...let us focus on YOU (ME), tonight...who we are, how we got to where we are, where we came from and where it may be that we are going...

Now...obviously I cannot sit and answer that for any of you, only for myself...so you are going to have to work along with this in your own thoughts and words, to figure out what it is, that this means to you...and what you take from it all....

So, I know we wonder from time to time(or at least i do), who it is we are, who we have become, where we are headed and the purposes of all of these things.....

its not an everyday question for most...just one that occasionally passes by...that is until life throws you one of those GIGANTIC curve balls, and you absolutely HAVE to figure these things out...and relatively quickly, well at least some of them....

Sometimes, just when you think that you have it all figured out, something changes...can be a small, adjustment or a huge life altering event...whichever it may be, you often have to reevaluate just what it is that you are doing...what you need to change and why.

Often, with minor almost insignificant things, this happens on its own, or with a quick little tweak of one thing or another...though there are, or there will be(yes, in each and every one of our lives at one time or another), there will be an event that absolutely shifts our entire world as we know it, out of balance, and it is then that we have to figure out just what we are made of, and how we are going to overcome and conquer this monster.

I have had this happen a few times, and each time under different circumstances, some not as major as others...however, I have obviously survived each occurrence and come out better than I was before.

This time, tho slightly different, and definitely hitting the scales at an 11/10....major in every definition of the word...will still require the same basic elements...

1.) Me to decide who Jess is. (now, obviously I am who I have always been...however, with every situtaion, person, event, passing, turning point and so on in our lives), who we are often conforms itself to the situation, lifestyle and it is at this time, that we must really and faithfully evaluate WHO WE ARE...inside....

2.)Where we have been....what lead us to where we are right now...how did we get here....why are we dealing with what we are(tho, the answer may not be one that you can just find, however, you will still be able to have the answer of "because it was supposed to", if no other answer can prevail.

3.)What do we need to do/What changes must we make?!? (what part of us lead us to where we are right not...as I have mentioned many times in these blogs...we control ONE person, and that is OURSELF. NO one else. So...we have to determine what our part in this event was, and how what adjustments to ourselves we can make towards the better....because if you are waiting for anyone else to do it, be the change, be the reason...I'd just suggest not holding your breath....)

4.)Where do we go from here...What do we want the future to be...Where are we going....

And that is simply ANYWHERE, that we want to be....Anything that we want to be....This is your time to DREAM BIG and keep climbing....and remember, you will never fall, never fail, when you surround yourself with the RIGHT support, and most importantly FAITH in YOURSELF and CAPABILITIES.

Seems, easy enough...RIGHT??!!???

It is....and It isn't.

Its going to be a journey...a process. It will be a lesson. It may be joy and happiness only...it may be one of pain as well....but both...bring the open opportunity though for amazing outcomes, if you just never lose sight, hope, faith, strength, focus, and when you remember...YOU CAN DO THIS! ANYTHING.

Now...When I sat back and evaluated, who I was, I realized, I had fallen victim to circumstance. I had altered who i was before and compromised that person for another. i lost my voice in certain aspects and found a woman whose self esteem was semi shattered. And, this I KNEW, immediately needed to be changed....

I reflected on my journey to this exact point in my life, I have taken my responsibility for all that I allowed...I am making my changes, remembering the real ME, and Where will I GO?....Somewhere beautiful....I do dream big, with an open heart and millions of goals. I set high standards for myself and for my daughter...none that are unachievable, all realistic, all within reach with WORK and dedication....and thats where I will go. EVERYDAY. Its like settling for a B in school when you can certainly obtain an A. Occasionally the B is the best that you can do, but more often that not, its settled for, by not taking the extra steps, not putting in the extra work, and not having enough faith in yourself to know what you are truly capable of.....

And NO ONE should EVER settle....

I promise your outcome that way, will soon lose its shine, the sparkles will fade and you will think back one day on what you could have done differently, who you could have become, and why you did not push yourself just a little farther, why you didnt stand up for yourself, why you didnt take responsibility.....

But...there is PLENTY of time, to do all of that....to get to where you want to be, where you should be, where you do not have to wonder; "What if"?; "Why?" and so forth....

Lets start by this..

Lets make a list...of Who we think we are, who we want to be when its all said and done, where we want to get to in life...and any changes that we think we should make...I will put myself out there...with mine

Who I am:

1.) ME....first and foremost ME

2.)A mother

3.)A daughter, sister, aunt and friend

4.)HONEST

5.)Open

6.)Loyal

7.)Saracastic

8.)Fun

9.)Beautiful(on the inside at the least)

10.)STRONG

Who I want to be:

1.)MYSELF(i never want to compromise me, lose sight of me, forget about me, in any situation EVER again.)

2.)The BEST mother, friend, daughter, sister, aunt that I can be...the one who is always there....and will always stand beside...and give whatever push is needed to help the other keep up the pace

3.)SUCCESSFUL...I want so many beautiful things, not material by any means, but I want so much more education...to learn more from others and to enhance all of the beautiful accomplishments that I already have

4.)To stay empowered...to stay in control and to always remember I am the only one that can alter/change my life....

5.)To remember, the past is the past...and take everyday as a NEW one, not one t relive, rehash, find fault or seek sympathy from anything that has occurred BEFORE TODAY...things happen and they do so for reason...and I will have faith in those reasons, even the "just because's" and MOVE FORWARD...in stride.

Each day i now go thru my lists, i focus on me and I focus on this life....We only get one time thru and i want it to be one worth remembering, I want to make a difference and take stands...I want to help others and I want to stay strong...My focus is zoomed in and I will keep it there...I take responsibility for me and know that I can take care of myself when I need to and without worry...I know that its not always easy and those are the times where the emotional payoff, the self pride and feelings of accomplishment multiply in ten fold. I will wish no ill will on others and allow life to bring to those with poor visions and views what it does...the universe has a funny way of balancing it all out.

Now....before I leave you for the evening....I'd like to ask you all, whether you do it or not, to make your lists, and ask even more by asking you to share them with me...together we can help one another, know the areas that need support and strengthen ourselves with a power of unity....

responses can be emailed to

speakuporshutupblog@gmail.com

and I also, invite you to share ANYthing else you feel important, any questions that you may have...whether they for me, or something you may want input on....I will answer them, in this blog, every evening another...please include your name and reply email...and if its a question that you dont want your name attahced to just note that to me....I will answer you in this blog, but name you "Anonymous"

Sometimes the outsiders view is much more clear....its not clouded with emotion and is rather impartial.....

Its fair and just....and thats what we need. The power of numbers is an amazing thing, so is the power of release...releasing what you need to, venting what you need to and finding there are others that can relate, even in different circumstances...

share the blog with your friends...

until tomorrow.......<3