Posts
Evening all....
I took another weekend break, because i had a TON of sewing and stuff to get done!!! I actually did accomplish a lot and I guess that is a good thing. Keeping busy keeps my mind from the constant and continuous turning that often consumes it going thru all of these things...
I still cannot pretend that one bit of this is easy or that I have any clue when its going to get better...
Do i have my strength? Certainly. I get thru my days, and I catch myself smiling...I enjoy my daughter more than ever and can count my blessings for the things that i do have which are abundant and many!
I have a good life and a positive outlook, a great family and a beautiful angel to go thru EVERYDAY with...and thats already far more than i could ever ask for.
However, when you are slapped in the face with a HUGE loss, and thats what the ending of a marriage is...and there is no way to sugar coat it....a whole bunch of other things get put into perspective.
I dont like to walk on eggshells to talk about my feelings...and so I am going to take a few minutes and put a bunch of them out there...I am not doing this to offend anyone..I am doing it to RELEASE what I need to in my blog..remember in advance that you CHOOSE to read it....you do not have to like it or agree. This is for me, about me...Just like ALL of you I am entitled to my feelings..and I feel they are valid ones. I will state them, and then that will be that. I dont live for the past, so once I clear my chest and lift this weight from my shoulders i will free myself from it and move forward, as I have been doing throughout ALL of this the best that I can.
A time like this, in life, You need people more than you normally would. You need to know that there are ones that you can count on and depend on. Even the strongest of souls, fall sometimes...and its in those times it would be nice to know that there was someone...anyone, that cared enough to pick them up.
I can say I do have some good friends...yet sometimes I still think there is a fine line between who I am and they are.
Do not get me wrong...we are all different...we have different beliefs and values..etc...
However..i know...that I try to be the BEST friend that I can be to all. It may be in different ways but I do everything that I can and then some. The minute i think someone is upset, i try to find the reason and offer solutions and advice or just an ear and a shoulder!
Sometimes, more so lately though, I find that maybe with some that is too much to ask in return.
Not often do we realize that our actions, even a lack of communication, could truly hurt someone that is already down. Not often enough do we take the time to make sure another is alright...or offer more of ourselves to them...because they need it. For a minute pretend its you that lost your husband the person that was your best friend and who you were to share forever with...pretend you have a child(which THANK GOD for her...my lifes greatest blessing)....but then thats all that you had. Because you find yourself day after day sitting alone, no one to really talk to....and it does HURT. Especially when you know how much and in how many ways you have tried to help these people and you find yourself wondering why...they are not trying to help you.
I dont need constant entertainment...and i dont need to sit in a bar every weekend....thats not who i am...I am going to be 30 years old in 2 years and i am a mother..and in no way is that my life...or how i want my life to be...but coffee, girl talk, comfort and friends,,,an occassional glass of wine and some laughs and even tears...is it too much to ask for?
My mother has always told me to treat others how they treat me...and to treat others how i want to be treated...since the door only seems to swing one way with the latter anymore...perhaps I need to use the "how others treat me" approach more.
its hard to think after all this time and all these years...everyone wants to "know" all about it, when the divorce first comes up, because of course thats interesting BIG news (and we are all guilty of that)...but to ONLY want to know that...and really not much more...seems to leave me in an even uglier place...
This is HARD. All of it. And i wish that NONE of you ever have to travel this road...because there is nothing fun about it...I do have pride for the strides that i have made, and for the efforts i continue to focus on....
However, I KNOW i have to rid my life of EVERY negative, painful thing that I can...in order to fully heal and really move forward. I never thought I would have to evaluate my circle of friends...yet....I guess at some points in life we all have to do something like that....
You do learn the difference quickly between those that throw labels around and those that really are YOUR BEST friends...
And i mean this for anyone that has ever gone thru, is going thru or God Forbid does end up going thru a similar situation (because i promise..not always do you see it coming...and not always do things turn out the way that you think they will...).....try to offer what you can to someone and what you would want offered to you....because you never know when it may be YOU that needs it!!!! And, remember, to not point fingers and not get angry, when in retrospect, its no more than what you yourself have done.....
For those that matter...i love you. for those that care...thank you..for those that offer...i appreciate you! and for those forever...ALWAYS!
until tomorrow...<3
((please remember if you are reading the blog...FOLLOW the blog...i am sharing my life, thoughts and disasters with you....so give me a little courtesy!....email comments, questions, topics to speakuporshutupblog@gmail.com))
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
((as long as class goes smoothly tomorrow...etc....I will be back with normal life topics etc....thanks for reading))
No comments:
Post a Comment