MY Project 365....my life ever after....((day 7))

WOW...been at it a week already...that sure has flown by.....
its not easy to try to break your life down on a day to day basis, yet at the same time is such as release when you do have so much to get off your chest...
I want to thank my friends that have been there for me thru this...long before the blog started and for the right reasons...the one whom genuinely care, want to know that I am ok and support my decisions and offer their ears at anytime.
I will not pretend that this is easy on me, and I know not so many can truly relate.....some can on different levels, others not at all...tho thats not what truly always matters, its just knowing that you can let it all out, trust the person that you are letting it out to, and knowing that they genuinely care about you and your well being...
Still at moments it is surreal even to me...I mean who thinks "This will be my life, Divorce will be my life", when it was never something that I ever really believed in...I believed in sticking it out, for better or for worse, in good times and in bad....But i have opened my eyes and my mind that there are many exceptions even to that. There is someone for everyone and when you are with that right person, I am certain that those words truly reign true, but when arguments take over, and the fights are not fair....you have lost an equality that you need to make a relationship work. When the 100% investment from both sides no longer remains, perhaps it is time to say your good byes.
Now...I would like to say, while I am talking about this:
Please do not ask me "So, there is no chance?"; "you dont think there is any hope?", "maybe its because of this, maybe its because of that"..."Maybe if you just do this"....allow me to clarify, that OBVIOUSLY before I came to where I am, I thought of all these things OVER AND OVER again, I went thru every single excuse I could try to make, every piece of anything that I may be able to grasp onto, in search of those very answers....Its not like this is what I wanted...or what ANYONE would want...after spending so much time building a life, a home, a family, to have it all come crashing down in front of  you , is not something that any person seeks out to do.
So, please, lets remember, that tho yes, I am strong, VERY, and I am able to say that and extrememly proud of it, I dont not need to feel as though, I did something wrong, or should be questioning my choices. This was my last resort. As it should be, to me there was no reason to prolong something that was LONG overdue. No need to grasp at those things, that were truly nothing but thin air. And no need to continue to revisit them, in that way.
I know with most its not out of ill will or malice, just out of lack of relation to the topic, and that is ok....but hopefully this clears up any of those questions for any of you having them.
Many people do choose, to stay in their situations, and that is a conscious choice that THEY make....however, I do not know how anyone can live a life of make believe, where there truly is no marriage, let alone even a common respect or  friendship. I did attempt that as well, however, I do not want my daughter to ever think she is STUCK anywhere, to ever think that there are not other choices and not to ever not be able to take care of myself...and I think the same for me.
is it easy starting all over? NO...especially when my financial situation changed drastically with my inability to currently work due to my injuries...HOWEVER, that is still not excuse enough...One I would never "use" my husband simply staying for my own financial benefits, lacking my own self judgement, self esteem and self respect, just to "have someone", forgetting who I was or allowing my child to ever think they needed someone else to complete them. Someone else does not make you, or break you...unless you ALLOW that to be your life. YOU control you and ANYONE can be anything that they want, when they choose to stand in their feet and take some responsibility for themselves.
I am peaceful with where I am, as I have said....its not where I wanted to be, or where I ever imagined I would be BUT i know, its the best place for me RIGHT NOW. and that is by far, and accomplishment in itself.
You get what you allow in life....should it be good things, great things, love and respect, by all means, count and cherish those blessings and remember them daily, acknowledge them daily and even in times of anger, take a minute to remind yourself of them, and something positive that can still come from it.
The same though goes, when you consciously allow yourself to be a doormat, made to look a fool, and allow yourself to be what someone else says you are and have to be. No one fully understands the ability and capapbility of negative words, actions, unless they live them, but they do manipulate themselves into your mind enough to often make you believe them....and when you find yourself excusing that behavior from another, tolerating it, hiding it, ignoring it, hoping to change it....It is then that YOU need to be the change that you are searching for...and tho it may be all that you ever knew, and all that you ever think that you will have....I can tell you truthfully IT IS NOT....you will survive....and you will have so much more, even when you feel like you are losing it all. You are so much richer when you can celebrate yourself, take responsibility for yourself, and stop compromising yourself.
Its a BIG world, full of billions of dreams, and I will to the best of my ability live mine, in whatever ways I am capable of...and I wish the same for each one of you....
until tomorrow....<3